My Very Own Konoha
by Lila Priceless
Summary: Loosely related one-shots in a post-canon universe in which Uchiha Madara ends a civil war between Danzou's and Tsunade's followers by proclaiming himself Hokage.
1. A Familial Shade of Gray

I don't own Naruto. If I did I'd be shopping instead of at home on the computer.

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It had been six years since Tsunade succumbed to death having never recovered from her coma. One year and eleven short months afterwards Konoha was embroiled in a civil war due to the radical philosophy brought about by the leadership change. The warring factions were at a stalemate when a third party stepped in and forcibly grabbed hold of the tumultuous reins. Both sides were unhappy about their new self imposed Hokage, but neither one had the strength or support needed to effectively mount an opposition so they reluctantly gave in to the new Uchiha regime.

Freed from the hindrance of traitorous kin and council of antiquated elders, Madara no longer felt the need for revenge. By using the best and learning from the worst practices of the pre-Konoha Uchiha clan he proved to be a strong effective ruler of the village he had always considered to be rightfully his.

Things were not as peaceful as they were under Tsunade's reign, but neither were they as tense and hostile as Danzou's. The Ninja Academy remained albeit with several curriculum changes. The civilian class was technically eradicated in favor of "Shinobi Support Citizens" as all villagers were forced to undergo shinobi training. Those under thirty were trained to a genin level in most areas while those over thirty were trained in rudimentary self defense and basic first aid unless they exhibited exemplary skill or potential in other areas.

Ironically, the former Uchiha clan head that helped eradicate his own kin made progressive and beneficial changes to Konoha's basic family structure. Under his regime self parenting orphans like Naruto were virtually nonexistent. Young children who'd already lost both parents were quickly placed in suitable home. No child under the age of 13 or rank of Chuunin had both parents assigned to a mission at one time. Single parent shinobi with children in the target range were encouraged to remarry or reassigned to duties within the village befitting their rank if they could not find a spouse.

Unlike the previous Hokages that did not interfere with clans, Madara who had first hand experience in the danger posed by autonomous groups, took an active role in restructuring them to best meet his and their own needs. He unsealed all of the Hyuuga branch members and made it a crime to separate and distinguish a main and branch line. He then went on to rearrange the clan by facilitating marriages or adoptions between warring households depending on the closeness of the bloodline. He became actively involved with the governing of the Sarutobi, Nara, Akimichi, Aburame, and Yamanaka clans. The only clan he minimally interfered with was the Inuzuka clan. When Tsume accepted his marriage proposal she made it quite clear if he even _hoped_ to create little Uchihas the Inuzuka clan would remain under her sole jurisdiction. However his position as her consort allowed him to attend clan meetings and he was allowed make suggestions as long as he remembered his subordinate place as her dutiful spouse.

Contrary to taking a submissive role and letting his wife rule her clan, Madara retained traditional views indicative of his advanced age on most other subjects. Casual sex was frowned upon and cohabitating couples were entered into Konoha's family registry as married. Men were expected to protect and provide for their families even if they were married to a higher ranking kunoichi. All women were to be treated with courtesy and respect. Oddly enough these new rules did not restrict women to home and hearth or prohibit their advancement within the shinobi hierarchy. If anything a _male_ Hokage placing a high value on feminine strength encouraged Konoha's kunoichi to reach new heights. Many who had been holding themselves back in fear of being perceived as unladylike or forced into arranged marriages to produce superior male heirs quickly moved up the ranks giving Konoha its highest number of jounin level kunoichi.

In spite of the surprising success rate of Madara's family polices, his most troubling dispute came from an unlikely source. One of his most loyal and trusted officers who had joined him in Konoha after the dissolution of Akatsuki had charged his wife of 11 months with infidelity.

"Madara-sama, the child is not mine. It must be his"

"**Don't try and push your bastard seed off on me"**

"It looks nothing like me. It has your eye."

"**My eye? That's her eye. I don't have blue eyes. It has your frond."**

"My frond was never that shade. It has your nostril."

"**It has your eyebrow."**

Never in all of his 100 years of existence did Uchiha Madara think he'd have to settle a paternity suit because the woman formerly known as Yamanaka Ino had given birth to a child whose skin was a uniform shade of grey.

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Thank you to ecnal nogardnap for the terrific and fast beta read!


	2. Daddy

"They're in here Kisame-san," Shizune spoke softly as she guided the new Hokage's second in command to the maternity ward. He'd been away on a mission and missed his wife's final week of pregnancy as well as his child's birth. Kisame tiptoed to the bed and kissed his sleeping wife before making his way to the crib. The medic smiled weakly at the man before waking his wife under the guise of checking her vital statistics. Under normal circumstances she would have given the family privacy, but Zetsu's unexpected reaction to Inoze's birth had set the entire hospital on alert. Both women watched apprehensively as the former Akatsuki member inspected his child.

Unlike her mother, the youngster was wide awake when Kisame walked into the room. She stared at her father matching his set of dark beady eyes with a smaller but equally beady set of her own. She relaxed as his large blue fingers stroked the unruly patch of dark spiky hair that met in a point at the top of her head. Her nose crinkled as he touched the small lines beneath her eyes that were indeed a functioning set of gills. Her fingers clutched into a fist and her toes curled after they were spread apart to reveal a slight bit of webbing between each diminutive digit.

"She looks nothing like me" Kisame exclaimed sadly as she looked from his daughter to his wife. Shizune and Hana exchanged glances that were both worried and puzzled as Kisame looked at his pale female mini-me. They nodded in confusion as he continued speaking. "She has your coloring, not that I mind, blue skin is a bit hard to disguise. I did change my name so my old enemies wouldn't come after the two of you, but I was expecting her to at least look somewhat like me."

Kisame's voice became pitiful as he loving gazed at the 29 inch, ten pound female version of himself, "She has your eyes, your nose, your cheeks, your ears, your round face, your fingers, your hair, your toes and your plumbing if this pink blanket is any indicator. She looks nothing like me. She's beautiful like you."

Hana visibly relaxed at her husband's compliment and Shizune breathed a sigh of relief signaling the ANBU waiting outside the room to disperse. Both women smiled as Kisame began crooning at the little girl cradled against his chest.

"You're my pretty girl. You're pretty like your Mama. I'm going to have to teach you to use Samehada real soon so you can kill every boy that gets near you. Yes I am, oh yes I am. You're Papa's pretty girl. I think we'll name you pretty girl. How about that Hana? Do you think Kireiko is a good name?"

Before Hana could respond the little girl yawned flashing four little white objects in her mouth that could only be classified as teeth.

"Did you see that? Teeth! She has teeth!" Kisame squealed as he flashed his own perfectly sharpened pearly whites in a manner that would make Gai cry with jealousy as he danced around the room and out into the hallway. "My baby has teeth. I knew you took after your Papa in some ways! Teeth! Wait until I show everybody! Teeth! Ha ha…"

Shizune groaned and Hana began rubbing her forehead as a loud shriek echoed down the hallway. "I hoped he'd at least make it out of the hospital before someone told him all Inuzuka's were born with at least one tooth."

Author's Notes

_Kireiko roughly means beautiful child_

_Thank you to everyone who has reviewed and added this work to your favorites. I hope you continue to enjoy this series._


	3. Frenemies

_I'm pleased to announce that Konoha is no longer embroiled in a civil war. As the Seventh Hokage I would like to continue the diplomatic alliance with Suna…_

_Sincerely,_

_Uchiha Madara_

Gaara cackled maniacally as he read the missive from Konoha before turning his attention to the frightened messenger who was failing considerably at putting up a brave front. Uchiha Madara - the man behind Akatsuki, the man who bore ultimate responsibility for his first death, the man who had killed him, the man whose minions poisoned his brother, murdered several of his shinobi, and threatened his village - had taken control of Konoha and wanted to establish diplomatic relations with Suna. Like Hell. This meant war.

Even though the demon had been removed, Temari swore she felt remnants of Shukaku as sand swirled around the room while Gaara perused the scroll from Konoha. Using the life saving skills she'd gained in her brother's more unstable youth, she diverted the sands and snatched the scroll before it could be completely destroyed. Unlike the Kazekage who stopped reading after the first two sentences, Temari read the entire scroll twice before speaking to her brothers, "I think we should do it."

She wasn't surprised when both of her more impulsive siblings screamed their unified response "What?"

"If you read the entire scroll it gives us priority in setting the terms of the agreement. I'm really not that thrilled with the idea of working with that man, but we do have a certain advantage here and it would be foolish not to use it."

"He took Shuka-"

"You're much better off without it. I'm sorry you had to die to get rid if it, but let's be realistic."

"Sasori poisoned me and Deidara tried to destroy the village."

"We've upgraded our defenses to include air attacks and fine tuned our evacuation procedures. If it were more than two people that night we really would have been screwed since everyone was standing around gawking," Temari stated logically. "That fight with Sasori forced you to see your own weaknesses and develop a ways to overcome them. Besides that incident sparked the medical exchange between Konoha and Suna or did you forget about Sakura and Naruto who still live in Konoha?"

'They can come live here." Gaara stated matter of factly as though it would end the discussion.

"You've been trying to get them to move for the past few years and each time they refuse saying 'No matter what we will stay and do what we can to help the citizens of Konoha.' They're not going to come now just because you want to kill Madara. If anything they'll fight you with everything they have to prevent a war so innocent people won't get involved."

"So what, we're just supposed to be friends even though he tried to end the lives of your brothers?" Kankuro yelled angrily.

"No, I'm saying we beat him at his own game. Read the scroll carefully. It says he is willing to make goodwill efforts to show his sincerity before we make our final decision."

"So?"

"So? We live in a desert. He has a Mist and a Grass ninja," Temari smiled wickedly as she imagined several new oases (and tourist dollars) their hard work and chakra could bring to their barren country.


	4. Holy Mother Full of Rage

Hidan had been watching the green thing for a while. When Kisame had told him about the guy a few years ago he thought it was another one of his fish tales – great entertainment, very little truth. Even after Madara had him dug up and put back together and he saw it for himself, he thought Jashin-sama was giving him a punitive vision of doom. There could be no other reason for him to see a fully grown man in green spandex, orange leg warmers, and a bowl cut that had to have been created with scissors of doom.

Hidan's fear grew as he continued to see not just one, but two of the green things as he went about the village. He wasn't allowed to kill anyone in the village and Madara had limited the amount of missions he could take so he was limited to self sacrifice to show his devotion. He began stabbing himself twice a day and added self-flagellation and volunteering at the Academy to his routine. No amount of pikes to the gut could come close to the wrath of that scar faced sensei and the minions of miniature people at his command.

Regardless of how much he punished himself and bled for his religion, he still continued to see the green things. The little one had even moved next door to his apartment. Hidan was truly afraid that the sacrifices he'd made while trapped in that hole were truly unworthy of Jashin-sama. He'd bitten his tongue numerously as well as whatever body parts had landed nearby. He'd sacrificed 9 of every 10 worms, bugs and moles that crossed his path and prayed heavily before eating the tenth. Even still such devotion was unworthy. Hidan was in the midst of performing the ultimate self sacrifice by setting himself on fire until he heard a voice so loud and commanding it could only be a message from Jashin-sama herself.

"I will climb the Hokage Monument using only my chin and teeth if Lee is wasting his youthful apartment with inadequate furnishings!"

"Youth? Youth? Youth!" Hidan screamed at his epiphany. He quickly called up a small water jutsu to put out the flames before running out of his door and directly into the big green thing. "Are you interesting in everlasting youth? The kind in which every damn day is a springtime of rejuvenation overflowing with blessings so long as we passionately and faithfully give our blood, sweat, tears, pain and the lives of our motherfucking enemies to prove our worthiness in the name of our raging goddess Jashin?"

"Everlasting youth?" A field of flowers materialized as the sun dropped low in the sky.

"A never ending springtime?" The sky changed from the clear blue of noon to the muted colors of sunset.

"A challenge full of blood, sweat and manly tears to prove our worthiness?" A rainbow appeared uniting the clouds.

"How could I say no, my friend?" Tiny sparkles that could only be the remnants of sunbeams began flashing around the man's large and unnaturally white teeth and reflecting off what Hidan now speculated was actually modified bowling ball shellacked to look like hair.

At this response, Hidan realized the big green thing whose outburst had summoned the sunset as well as the little green thing that was nodding in agreement and spewing copious amounts of tears had actually been sent by Jashin-sama to be his disciples.

"Hell fucking yeah!" Hidan screamed as he launched himself from the fifth floor landing. "I should have realized it sooner. Anybody wearing those outfits and hair cuts are hardcore into self punishment!"


End file.
